How to Get Over an Ex: 14 Tips That Don't Mean Bullshit (2023)

Are you struggling with a breakup?

Well, ending a relationship is never easy, especially when it's something you put your heart and soul into.

Unfortunately, not all relationships have a happy ending - sometimes it just doesn't work out in the long run and you have no choice but to separate.

Still, getting over your ex shouldn't be that hard, right?

As studies show, Heartbroken people need to change their attitude to get over their ex. And that takes time.

But don't worry — in this article, I'm sharing 19 helpful insights on how to get over your ex, no matter how long ago you broke up and why you broke up.

Finally, I also help you understand the rules of conduct that will help you get through a breakup and move on with your life.

15 steps to get over your ex and move on for good

1) Release the guilt

Whether you or your ex are to blame for the failure of your relationship, remember that you don't have to carry it all around as you move on.

Even if you completely ruined your relationship, there is no need to feel shame and guilt forever. Feel it if you have to, but the sooner you can let go of that guilt, the sooner you can begin healing and get your life back on track.

Which, let's remember, probably wasn't half bad before you met this person, and probably won't be half bad any time soon either.

In reality, blaming only leads to bitterness, resentment, and powerlessness.

You must stop finger pointing so you can reclaim the freedom and power that is yours.

No one can take away your ability to actMake yourself a better life.

2) Don't look for trouble

Don't go to your old territory along the way. There's a good chance your ex will go there too, so avoid it at all costs.

Even if your friends want to leave, remind them that you are still in pain and would rather not leave.

If they persist, make new friends or go it alone for a while until you feel like you can be in the same room with your ex.

It depends onhow you ended thingsMaybe you feel guilty, ashamed, or don't feel at all, and you don't want to see how they feel.

Like Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist and authoremphasizes insidersWhen you're experiencing a breakup, it's normal to think about how great the relationship could have been if you changed your behavior in some way.

Meeting them can increase thoughts of regret, especially if they look happy and are having fun.

Stay home if you have to, but don't put yourself in a situation that could make you feel worse.

3) Realize that you are worthy of being loved

Let me make a wild guess.

After your ex broke up with you, you see yourself as someone who doesn't deserve to be loved. “Why else would they break up with me?” - You would think.

But I want you to know the following:

A breakup can be painful, but that doesn't mean you're not worth loving. In fact, the way you treat yourself after a breakup shows how much you really love yourself.

This is important because if you don't love yourself, you're less likely to accept a relationship that makes you feel truly loved.

For example, people who don't feel loved are often quick to settle for relationships that don't make them happy.

Others compare each new relationship to the last and remain single for years because they never find anyone who can match.

Believe it or not, such thoughts were something I struggled with myself when going through a breakup. I thought I would never recover, but then I found a way to overcome those irrational thoughts and realize that I was worthy of love.

The thing is, I found a website calledrelationship herowhere professional coaches help people to overcome their relationship problems. It would be a lie to tell you that I believed from the start that they would really help me, but they surprised me!

A coach I spoke to gave me personal advice and, most importantly, helped me understand that I was having irrational thoughts about my relationship and myself.

By changing my attitude, I was able to recover and move on with my life. So maybe you should try it too!

If that sounds tempting, here's the link to get in touch with these professional relationship coaches and find out that you're worth loving!

Click here to start.

4) Love yourself

But it is not enough to realize that you are worthy of being loved by others. You have to love yourself to get over an ex!

But I understand.

This advice will seem obvious and cliche. However, it will still be incredibly valuable.

In order to get over an ex, you really need to work on the most important relationship you will ever have in your life - the relationship with yourself.

For many people, a breakup is a negative expression of our self-esteem.

Weilendis much more than the loss of the person you loved, it is the loss of the person you thought you were when you were with them.

Still, loving yourself is not easy. From an early age we are conditioned to believe that happiness comes from outside. This is a life-destroying myth.

5) Think about what it takes to have a good relationship

Getting over an ex requires thinking about the relationship and figuring out what went right and what went wrong.

Regardless of the reason for the breakup, it's important that you learn your lesson in order for your next relationship to be successful.

And I think the best way to do that is to think about what it takes to have a good relationship.

But how can you understand what makes a good relationship for you personally?

Well, if you've been through a few breakups, you've probably been involvedpeople who weren't good for you.

Learn from it instead of dwelling on the past.

Ask yourself what you have learned from previous relationships.

For example, what do you know now that you wish you knew when you first dated your ex?

What do you wish for in a future partner that you did not have in your previous relationships?

By reflecting on what you have learned, you can better understand what went wrong in the past and what you need to be happy in the future.

6) Create a new vision for your future that doesn't include this one

One ofbest ways to move forwardis to really think about moving on...without her.

Write down what you are feeling now and what you wish for in the future. You may find that now that you are no longer attached to anyone else, there are many options for your future.

You may find that you lack independence and don't want to be in a relationship for a while.

Writing helps slow your mind so you can structure the information in your head. It's also a great way to let go and understand your feelings.

ImJeremy Nobel, MD, MPH says so on the Harvard Health BlogWhen people write about what's in their hearts and minds, they can better understand the world and themselves:

“Writing offers a rewarding way to explore and express feelings. It allows you to understand yourself and the world you experience. A better understanding of how you think and feel - this self-awareness - gives you a stronger connection to yourself.

This is a great time for you to get to know yourself and what you stand for, so setting goals, testing limits, meeting new people - whatever you envision for the future, write it down and enjoy on it .

If you're wondering how to start journaling, ask these three questions:

• How am I?
• What am I doing?
• What am I trying to change in my life?

These questions will give you insight into your feelings and get you thinking about the future.

7) Stop looking at the clock

Speaking of time, there's no timeline to get over someone.

According to the research resultsAccording to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes 11 weeks to start feeling better after a relationship ends.

However,found another studyIt takes about 18 months to heal after a marriage ends.

The brutal truth is this:

Heartbreak is a grieving process – and a unique experience for everyone. After all, love is a messy feeling.

How long it takes depends a lot on how long you've been together, whether you were the reason for the breakup, and whether or not you were lied to.cheated, ignored, beaten,or deeply wounded—all contribute to a healing time that no one can pinpoint.

It will depend heavily on your resilience and desire to keep going. One of the most important things you can do when you need to get over your ex is to not put parameters on your healing.

It will take some time. Give it time.

8) Assemble your support team

It can be difficult to get over an ex when you're locked in your bedroom and incommunicado.

Sometimes it's easier to get on with life just to get on with it. Call up some friends and go out to dinner.

Cry if you have to, be sad if you have to, but do things that make you feel better.

If you don't feel like going out, ask someone to come over - not your ex! - and keep you company.

A trusted friend or close family member will appreciate the position you are in and will just sit and let you take it all in.

Make sure the people you confide in are emotionally intelligent and on your side.

There's nothing worse than a so-called "friend" telling you everything you've done wrong in the relationship.

This discussion can be had another time. For now, all you need is someone to listen and show support.

Whether you're new to dating or you've been single for a while, a breakup takes a toll that takes time to overcome.

Give yourself time, space, and permission to feel and find out.

There is no rush and you cannot set a time limit on how long you will feel this way.

However, one thing is for sure: do not immediately embark on a search for a new love. You don't have to rub salt in the wound.

Figure out your own things before looking for someone to love.

9) Give yourself some space

In many romantic comedies and even dramas, young singles make a journey to get out of town, which usually leads to hilarity and a new relationship in a remote place.

It's not really like that and usually road trips like this cost a lot of money and you don't get any better off coming back because you just escaped the feelings you left behind.

If you come back and didn't bother, you still have them. Now you're broke and the healing process hasn't progressed any further.

According to Noam Shpancer Ph.D. in contemporary psychologyWhen you avoid a negative emotion, you get short-term gain at the expense of long-term pain.

For this reason:

“When you avoid the discomfort of short-term negative emotions, you are like the person who decides to drink under stress. It "works" and the next day, when bad feelings arise, he drinks again. So far so good, in the short term. In the long run, however, that person will develop a bigger problem (addiction) in addition to the unresolved problems that they avoided by drinking. "

Noam Schancer says emotional acceptance is a better strategy than avoidance for four reasons:

1) By accepting your feelings, you accept the truth of your situation. That means you don't have to waste your energy trying to suppress the emotions.

2) Learning to accept an emotion gives you an opportunity to learn about it, become familiar with it, and get better at it.

3) Experiencing negative emotions is annoying, but not dangerous - and ultimately much less annoying than constantly avoiding them.

4) Accepting a negative emotion causes it to lose its destructive power. When you accept an emotion, it can take its course as you follow your own.

So even if you're feeling down, just let yourself feel what you're feeling and confront it like an adult. You will thank yourself in the long run.

No reason to run away from youheartbreak.

10) Remove all ties to your ex

The world is getting more connected every day, but that doesn't mean you have to keep in touch with your ex.

Why?

If you see them all the time, it's easy to take in all the memories. It doesn't matter if it's online or offline; it's the same face.

So the question here is:

If you don't unfriend your friends or block them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat, will you ever learn how to get over an ex?

The answer is no.

Of course, you can add them back to your social circle, but only after you've finally moved on.

Otherwise, you cannot heal your emotional wounds yourself.

So do all this:

- Remove your ex on all your social media accounts

- Remove their phone number and email address

- Delete all photos of your ex

- Ask people you've tagged in photos of your ex to remove the tag

— If your mutual friends ask you to hang out, see if your ex is coming along

The less you are reminded of your ex, the easier it isgo further from them.

11) Disconnect from social media and reconnect with yourself

When there is divorce, it's easy to use social media to see what your ex is up to. That's a bad idea.

First, you don't want to be reminded of it in your life.

Second, you don't want to see her with someone new or having fun without you. Unless you know you can handle it, which most people can't, just avoid their accounts or even delete them.

This is especially true if they are a narcissist. Narcissists tend to move on very quickly because they tend to take a superficial approach to most relationships.

It's not uncommon for them to be charming, manipulate someone else, and post romantic photos in a week or two.

If not, they'll probably post "selfies" looking beautiful and happy.

"Their superficial approach to relationships means it's really easy for them to replace people (including their partners) and find someone new pretty quickly."

–Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D.

Instead, focus on getting to know yourself again.

If you've been with this person for a while, chances are you've adopted many of their ways of thinking and behaving and now need to sift through all the noise and find the person you used to be.

Better yet, find who you want to be now that you have a fresh start.

But how is that possible? How can you find ways to reconnect with yourself?

Personally, the insights I received from my professional coach are helpfulrelationship herowere the reason I realized I needed to reconnect with my inner self. And after I shared my thoughts, the certified coach gave me personalized advice and helped me get back on track.

That's probably why I feel more connected to my inner being today than ever before. Not only did they help me solve problems related to my love life, but they also gave me advice for personal development.

That's why I think you should also turn to her if you're struggling to find ways to reconnect with yourself.

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12) Don't slack off, try new things and stay busy

You should limit the time you mope. If you're out of ice cream and can't bear to wear the same clothes for another day, brace yourself.

Here are some tips for you:

- Take a good, long shower to clear your head.

- Wear your best clothes and look fresh.

- Check your daily and weekly schedules.

- See what's happening around town.

- Get to work and stay busy.

That's basically what we want to say:

It's easy to learn how to get over an ex when you have a busy schedule. You don't have time to look back on all the painful experiences when you focus on other things.

Yes, you should accept your feelings instead of ignoring them. But you don't have to think about it. There is one big difference. When you truly accept your feelings, make space to move on with your life.

This could be that big, important project you've been ignoring at work for so long. It could also mean volunteering at your local animal shelter.

Do you still have a lot of free time?

Well, that's very simple:

Look for more activities.

You see, the fact that the world is so big makes it a double-edged sword:

When you're struggling with a breakup, you may feel like you're all alone while everyone else is busy with work, family and friends, and going about their normal lives.

But the positive side of this is that it proves that a breakup won't mean the end of the world for you.

Not at all.

13) Rate your experience

Are you watching Bojack Horseman?

There's a famous quote from the show that's worth mentioning here.

It says:

"If you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all red flags look like flags."

In other words:

It's easy to miss the bad in someone when you're blinded by love.

You may think that this is not the case for your previous relationship, but a thorough evaluation could prove otherwise.

Think about it:

— How many times have you apologized for your ex's horrible behavior?

— When asked to buy a gift, did you think it was unreasonable or just plain cute?

– Do you think your ex made fun of you for the umpteenth time or that he was just having a bad day?

Look, here's the thing:

To know how to get over an ex, you have to know who they really are.

Stop romanticizing the past. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

You can only make the best of it by learning to compromise and accept each other's imperfections.

Still can't stop thinking about your ex?

That's because you only see the good in them.

Once you spot all the warning signs, breaking up with your ex will become a lot easier.

Ask yourself these four questions:

1) Were you really 100% happy?

2) Has the relationship affected your life in any way?

3) Were you happy before the relationship?

4) What annoys you most about your partner?

Answer these questions truthfully and you will find that the relationship ending is not as bad as you thought.

You may even begin to realize that your life has opened up in many ways that were not possible before.

Marilyn Monroe put it best:

"Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can be put together." - Marilyn Monroe

But don't forget:

Your evaluation of the past isn't just for forgetting your ex. It's also about learning about yourself.

So take the time to reflect on what you could have done better in the past and apply those lessons to the present and the future.

This will give you a clearer idea of ​​what you want in a partner and in a relationship.

14) Let time take its course and think ahead

First, let's get something clear:

Time alone is not enough to make your ex forget. But with the right mindset and changes, it can aid in your emotional recovery.

As we mentioned earlier, it's just a breakup - not the end of the world.

Time works in your favor.

So don't rush if you don't feel like it.

You'll be fine. You may not know exactly when, but it will definitely happen.

That's how time works.

One day losing someone still hurts you, the next day you are ready to take on the world.

Because with every day that goes by, your heartache loses a little bit of intensity.

You meet new people and take on new challenges. They create more experiences and form new bonds.

Over time, you'll remember and celebrate more of these new, exciting things—memories that fill the once-great void your ex left in your heart.

15) Be with those who really matter to you in your life

Here's the final key to learning how to get over an ex:

Appreciate those who are still in your life.

Why lay in bed all day crying for your ex when you have the greatest friends in the world?

The truth is:

Your best friends know more about you than your ex. They know more about how to make someone smile and laugh like an idiot.

Because let's be honest:

Friends, girlfriends and affairs come and go.

But your friends?

The real ones are with you for life – all the ups and downs, all the jokes and the drama.

And in a similar sense:

Don't forget your family. Because even before you had friends, it was your relatives who stood by you no matter what.

So when you feel worthless and alone, remember two things:

- You're definitely not alone.

— You are loved by many people.

Why hold on to a failed romantic relationship when there are so many people showering you with all the love and support you could ask for?

Just try to think about it.

And believe me, at some point you will realize that being with those who really matter in your life is the best possible solution to bring enthusiasm back into your life and move on.

This will teach you to focus on things that are more valuable to your current life than your ex.

Still, I want to share with you some helpful strategies that can help you get over your ex faster and change your mindset to adapt to a new lifestyle.

4 key strategies to get over an ex

1) Avoid social media for 2 weeks

Why it's good:

Social media is a major distraction that only gets in the way of you and your healing process.

Remember that it should be an intention to continue. Scrolling through your friends' and ex-boyfriends' feeds won't make you feel any better.

In addition, you feel vulnerable and lonely after a breakup. Social media is full of happy, upbeat, but not necessarily authentic posts.

It's easy to get caught up in false positivity and feel like we're missing out. Use your offline time as a challenge to find yourself again without unnecessary distractions.

How to make it possible:

• Sign out of social media in your browser and delete it from your phone.
• If you're having trouble following this rule, ask a friend to change all of your social media passwords so you can no longer access them.
• If two weeks is too long, consider limiting your social media use to a few hours a week.

2) Eat at three new restaurants

Why it's good:

Dressing up and eating in a special place is one of the nicest things about being with someone.

Now that you're rediscovering your independence, it's important to realize that dining out can be special, with or without company.

Discovering new restaurants is a great way to exercise independence.

You can decide where to eat, how to dress, what to order and what to do after the meal.

When you eat alone in a nice restaurant, you are invited to enjoyable experiences and feel comfortable even when you are alone.

How to make it possible:

• Find new restaurants in your city that you've always wanted to try. You can choose between brunch spots and upscale dinner spots.
• Take your time getting dressed. Wear that dress you saved for special occasions; Choose a dressier coat. When you dress well, you feel and look good.
• Don't rush to eat. Enjoy each bite and take breaks between bites to remind you how much you enjoy alone time.

3) Have a morning and evening routine

Why it's good:

It's difficult to get back to normal after a breakup. This is exactly why establishing a morning and evening routine is essential.

When you have things to look forward to when you wake up and come home from work or school, every day becomes more exciting.

Maybe you can start a whole new skincare routine or make sure you're making healthy meals for dinner.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what you do in your free time.

The goal is to provide the much-needed motivation to get up and move forward each day by knowing exactly what to do in the morning and evening.

How to make it possible:

• Make mornings and evenings more pleasant by incorporating self-care into your routine.
• Within two weeks of the breakup, try to stick as close to your routine as possible. Once you feel better, you can start using your time freely.
• Try different routines for weekends and weekdays. Maybe you want to start your day with a podcast in the mornings during the week and then have an early breakfast with friends on the weekends.

4) Find a new everyday hobby

Why it's good:

You will inevitably have pent up energy that needs to be released somehow. Find a hobby where you can channel all of those raw emotions.

The most important thing is to find something to do every day. It's a great way to spice up your day while developing new skills and interests.

How to make it possible:

• Choose a hobby that you can engage in for at least 20 minutes to an hour each day.
• Challenge yourself in a way you've never done before. Maybe join a gym or try teaching yourself a language.
• If you share your hobby with other people, make sure you focus more on the craft than socialization. Remember, this is about you, rekindling your creative spark and curiosity.

4 wrong ways to get over your ex

1) Get a rebound

Why it's wrong:

Getting a rebound is one of the worst things to do after a breakup. This common mistake is just another way to break heart.

You cling to another personand project your insecurities from the past relationship without giving yourself space or time to reflect and improve.

Not to mention that rebounds are often superficial and superficial. Instead of boosting your confidence, a temporary date is a surefire way to lower your self-esteem.

What you can do instead:

• Maintain platonic relationships and look for positivity in friends and family.
• Encourage a sense of vulnerability and focus on being comfortable with being alone.
• When you're feeling lonely, surround yourself with close friends and spend more time with them.

2) Keep in touch

Why it's wrong:

Some exes stay friends after the breakup, and that's great. However, it is not advisable to keep in contact with the other person immediately after the divorce.

Even if you think you're just being friendly, staying in touch prevents both parties from rediscovering their independence.

You're only prolonging the codependent relationship you have with each other, and you also risk repeating the same mistakes that led to the breakup in the first place.

What you can do instead:

• Don't try to force a friendship right after the relationship. Before you decide whether or not you want to continue to be friends, take some time to focus on your personal growth.
• Prioritize your feelings over the other person's. Remember that you are no longer obligated to be compassionate about the other person's feelings.
• Use the time away from your ex to objectively evaluate them and reinforce the reasons that led to the breakup.

3) Reconsider relationship decisions

Why it's wrong:

A journey into the past rarely ends well. With guilt, loneliness, and the fear of being alone, it's easy to convince yourself that "it wasn't that bad" and stay in your comfort zone instead of having to face the reality of being alone.

Nostalgia makes it easy to cover up the bad things in a relationship and romanticize the entire experience.

When you do this, you forget the real reasons why the relationship didn't work out.

What you can do instead:

• Stop connecting with the other person. You are no longer "we". From now on you are your own "you".
• Find peace in the choices you've made. Accept that the past is the past and that the only thing you can control is how you move forward.
• Instead of keeping everything in your head, make a list of all the traits you didn't like about the other person. If it mattered to you then, there's no reason why you shouldn't care now that the relationship is over.

4) Talk to friends

Why it's wrong:

It's tempting to vent and express pent-up frustration to friends, but doing so only adds to the negative emotions that accompany the breakup.

People like to think that badmouthing your ex is a cathartic experience, when in fact it's just a way to ease bad moments and further engage in the whole breakup experience.

It also interferes with the concept of focusing on yourself. When you badmouth someone else, you get caught up in it, which saps your energy to prioritize yourself.

What you can do instead:

• Focus on love, positivity and acceptance. Make an effortGo awayfrom anger and go to forgiveness instead.
• Ask friends not to talk about your ex. Remember that moving on is about who you are now, who you were during the relationship.
• Encourage friends and family to be positive about the breakup and see it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Final Thoughts

All in all, knowing how to get over an ex will help you move on, even after the toughest breakups.

Hopefully after reading these tips you understand that getting over an ex isn't easy. However, accepting your life as it is and trying to focus on other important things will really help you along.

So try to find support, create a new vision for your future that doesn't include them, and you'll find that you've already managed to let go of that relationship.

And if you feel like you're not getting enough support from those around you, remember How I Overcame My Relationship Difficulties With the Help of Professional Coaches and be sure to check out this insightful website.

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